Mom Guilt: 4 Ways to Stop Feeling Guilty as a Mom

Mom Guilt is the feeling of guilt, doubt, anxiousness or uncertainty experienced by mothers when they worry they’re failing or falling short of expectations in some way.

Mom guilt is very common among new, working, stay at home, and single moms.

I think every single mom on the planet has had one of those days.

You know, those days where literally NOTHING is going right for you. The kids are cranky and misbehaving, the house is a complete disaster, you have no plans for dinner and you feel like you haven’t seen or talked to your husband in weeks. Yeah I’ve been there, and I know lots of other moms who have felt the same way – more than once or twice!

I have those days so often – probably more than I want to admit. Looking around at my mom friends and the many women on Instagram who seemingly have it all together makes me feel like a complete and utter failure. I think, why can’t I just get my crap together?! My child deserves so much better than me. My husband deserves so much better than me. 

Being a mom and wife is HARD. I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. And when you think you’re seriously failing at something, it can be really hard to keep going. 

But PLEASE keep going!

So, just how do you do that when you’re discouraged and guilty? Here are 4 ways to remind yourself of your worth when you’re feeling mom guilt.

1. Take a step back

When you are feeling stressed out and emotional about something, like you are stuck in your own head, it’s always a good idea to take a step away from it all for a bit. For a mom, this means taking time away from the kids.

It is PERFECTLY OKAY to ask your partner or a family member/friend to watch your kids while you take some time away.

Moms need breaks too!

This is MORE than a full time job and it is an extremely stressful one at that. If you don’t make time for yourself, you just might go crazy.

Taking this time away can help you clear your mind and think straight. When we are always having to be “on our game” as moms, it can definitely take a toll on us mentally.

When we don’t live up to society’s crazy standards, we blame ourselves. We think we are failing our kids and our families when in reality, we are actually doing our best. And that’s more than good enough.

Taking a step back can help you remember that!

2. Evaluate WHY you are feeling like this

Sometimes the issue of feeling like a failure as a mom and wife may not be as evident as you think. Most of the time, there is a deeper, more important reason why you are feeling this way. 

Go back to the start of these feelings. What were you doing? Who were you with? What were you looking at? Were you talking about something in particular? If you can recall the moment that you started feeling this way, you can get to the root of the problem faster. 

Maybe you were looking at a post on social media from a mom whose house was spotless and you wished yours could look that way. Or maybe someone pointed out a weakness in you that you didn’t know you had.

Social media and other people’s opinions are the two things that make us feel like a failure faster than anything else.

On social media, all you are able to see is from the outside looking in – you’re taking a small, square peek into someone else’s life.

That point of view can make you think that person really has their entire life together and that they haven’t made any mistakes. But in reality, when you really dig deeper into their life, they have more issues and insecurities than you would have ever thought. They are just really good at hiding them all from their followers!

When it comes to other people’s opinions of you, learn to tune them out. They don’t know your heart and they certainly don’t know the love you have for your children and the motivation you have to keep going for them.

If there’s a certain person (or people) in your life that keep you feeling defeated, unworthy, and worthless as a mom, it may be time to cut ties with them.

You deserve to have supportive, uplifting, and loving people surrounding you and helping you be a better mommy to your babies! I’ve had to learn this the hard way.

While it can be difficult to cut people out of your life, especially if it is a family member, it is necessary to your mental health and your role as your children’s mother. 

Or maybe none of these things are the reason why you feel like a failure.

Maybe the reason is YOU! 

If you put too much pressure on yourself to be the perfect mom to your babies, it is so easy to start feeling like a failure because you WILL fail at being perfect.

No one can achieve perfection! And that’s okay! If you want to stop feeling the guilt of not achieving perfection in motherhood, stop expecting yourself to be perfect. 

Once you evaluate WHY you’re feeling this way, you can remind yourself of the truth. 

3. Remind yourself of the truth

The bottom line is this: if you love your kids with all your heart and do everything in your power to show them that you love them, you are a GOOD MAMA.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t do Pinterest worthy crafts or sometimes hide in the bathroom just to get 5 minutes of peace. As long as you love your babies, you are doing your best and that’s all that matters. 

Every day, you need to do something to remind you of this truth.

For me, this looks like aiming to get in the Word of God every day.

As a Christian, nothing fulfills and uplifts me more than hearing the truth of God’s Word. This puts me back on the right path and reminds me that I am appointed by God to be MY child’s mother.

I am far from perfect at making time to do this daily, but I’m trying to make a conscious effort. And I’ve noticed that when I do this, I’m much happier and confident in my role as a mom! And I truly believe my daughter can tell the difference.

Remembering the truth may look much different for you, and that’s okay!

Whether it’s placing inspiring quotes on motherhood around your house, listening to an encouraging motherhood podcast, or just simply playing with your kids – whatever you need to do that helps you remember that you were made to do this motherhood thing, do it. I promise you will feel so much better!

 

4. Take action and change what you don’t like

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Thrifty🎀Brittany | Mom Blogger (@thrifty_brittany) on May 16, 2019 at 8:15pm PDT

This is the last, and I believe the hardest, (but most important) step of all. It’s one that we don’t really like to do, and it can be hard to actually follow through with this step because it requires us to take a hard look at ourselves and realize what we need to change.

Once you’ve realized why you are feeling like a failure as a mom (but you’ve also realized the truth that you’re NOT a failure), really meditate on that reason.

Is one of the reasons you compare yourself to that mom on social media because you’re spending too much time on your phone?

Do you feel unorganized because you don’t have a daily schedule or routine?

Do you feel guilty because you don’t make time for one on one time with your kids? 

Recently, I have been so unorganized with my time and I’ve been feeling extremely guilty about it. As a stay at home mom, it can be easy to lounge around in PJ’s all day scrolling through Facebook without getting anything productive or meaningful done.

I’ve been feeling like a failure as a mom because I haven’t been taking the time out to really play with, teach, and pour into my daughter. So, I’ve decided to change that.

It’s taking some time, but I’m seeing improvements in myself daily and I’m learning to prioritize my time so much better. I’m getting more of my responsibilities done while also taking time out to do the most important work – just being a mom and having fun with my daughter. And I love it!

If you want to make a change in your motherhood journey, it all starts here. Don’t let that feeling of mom guilt cause you to want to give up!

You were made to do this mama, and you are doing an amazing job. 

Instagram Pinterest Facebook

Author

Meet Madison!

Madison is a wife and stay at home mom to one beautiful baby girl. She and her husband Steven, creators of A Family After God, help young Christian spouses and parents rely on God’s strength by providing biblical encouragement and resources on marriage, parenting, and creating a Godly home.

www.afamilyaftergod.com

You may also like: